GG: It's All Relative

GOSSIP GIRL
The show opens on Dan and Serena on the beach, presumably after doing it all night. They chat and kiss and Serena says she's not sure she wants to get back together right away. I thought she was the one that wanted to and he didn't? Who knows. Anyway she says they should meet up back in the city. Blair is still hanging out and riding old school bikes with Marcus, the lord. She really wants to meet his parents, who are in NY, but he's a little shifty and clearly doesn't want her to. Chuck spies them in a coffee shop and when Blair goes out to call Serena and fill her in on the secret identity business, Chuck slips in to talk to Marcus. He gets his home phone number and invites him to play squash (or cricket). So Serena and Dan end up both taking the jitney bus back to the city and apparently they are both irresistible to each other and end up having sex in the bus bathroom (gross) after she eats a chocolate covered strawberry. Seriously, that guy? Dan used to be cute in the beginning of this show, but he's so annoying that he really has fallen in the hotness scale.
Anyway, back to the episode. Nate finds out from his crazy mom that they might lose their house and all their money because of their dumbass dad. Nate freaks out and says he'll take care of it.
Later it seems that Chuck is going to be loaning them money, which Nate is NOT happy about. Boy's got his pride I guess.
Also, Chuck somehow gets a hold of the duchess, who shocker! is Katherine the cougar (or cougar and Nate fame). She says to him: this better be good, I don't usually take meetings with children. Yeah, you just bang them.
Ok so after Blair figures out that Marcus doesn't want her to meet his parents, she decides to throw a last minute party for her welcome back to the city. What the reason for this is, I'm not sure. I guess maybe to show she's sophisticated, by inviting elite ppl? Anyway, the party is a total snooze-fest, but Chuck shows up with KC (Katherine the Cougar) and introduces her to Blair as his friend and she makes a snide remark about too much botox, and KC responds, I;m the duchess. Oh snap. Nate spies his lover across the room and is like what and she's like huh back at him. Serena comes over and makes things worse by explaining that Blair and Nate are exes, and Nate and KC know each other from book club. Ha. Later KC texts Nate to meet her in the library, and Dan and Serena decide to screw (pun intended) their idea of keeping away from each other and start making out in the hallway and elevator.
Back in the library, Nate and KC start going at it, and Blair walks in on them. Apparently KC always scares away her stepson's potential girlfriends since none of them are good enough for him, but now Blair can blackmail her with her cougar ways, so she's all right in KC's book.
Oh while all this was going on, on the boring Rufus front, it turns out while he was away Vanessa renovated the cafe in his studio. Interesting, I heard rumors there might be a Rufus-Vanessa pairing, which would be disgusting, but also kind of entertaining, so we'll see. Anyway they are boring, but we find out that Vanessa is home-schooled (by who? don't her parents live in Vermont or something?) and that's why she doesn't do anything during the day.
So to recap the recap, Blair finds out about Nate and KC, Serena and Dan are doing it but are not officially back together, Vanessa is still annoying, and Chuck and Blair continue to sabatoge/make each other jealous until they (hopefully) get back together.

Best lines of the night:
Nate (to Katherine): If the best possible outcome of this situation is that I become Blair's father in law, I think it's time to move on.

Blair (about Katherine): I think she recognized herself in me, or rather I recognized someone in her. HA

Next week there's a blackout and scandal!!

xoxoxox you know you love me.